Sunday, June 29, 2014

INDIAN FOOTBALL (EPISODE-08) !!!



Indian Football

Episode-08

Michael Monroe (Commentator of FIFA World Cup):- Hi everyone! I am Michael Monroe and with me, Mr. Brady Ballack. It’s a cracking atmosphere out here at Rawalpindi. Not only the Indian spectators but the Pakistani spectators are also going to support India in this match. The Argentine referee, Luis Lopez blew the whistle to start the game.

Brady Ballack (Commentator of FIFA World Cup):- Indian football team is weaker than German football team, but, the recent suspension of 7 Indian footballers due to that sex scandal has made the Indian football much weaker than before. Babbalo took the shot. Oh! The ball hit the side bar. Indian goalkeeper is very lucky in this case.

Michael Monroe:- The Indian Team is focussing on defense only. Only 1 striker of India is moving in the German territory. Otherwise, all are in the Indian Territory only. Muktar Naqvi fouled Aogona. The referee showed a Yellow Card to Muktar Naqvi. Aogona is going to take the free kick. Aah! Peter Silva’s right leg came in the way, otherwise, it would have been a goal for the Germans. Basler is going to take the corner kick. Lovely swinging corner kick! Effenberg headed the ball into the net, but, the German cannot celebrate as the linesman signalled the flag to consider it as an offside.

***********************************************
Location: In front of Moreh Panchayat Office of Manipur State

Fulki:- Why your eyes are so moistened?

Tomba:- I am missing them. We are innocent; still, we got the punishment.

Fulki:-I can understand the pain, but it is destiny. Still, I love you. I know you are innocent. I accept your proposal. I love you.

Tomba:- I love you too, but, my career has come to an end. I have no source of income now.

Fulki:- Forget about those ifs and buts as of now. Just enjoy watching the football match.

**********************************************

Brady Ballack:- 38 minutes of game is over. Indians are defending well. Actually, they are fighting against the German deadly attacks. Reuter gave the back pass to Babbalo. Babbalo lifted the ball towards Ziege. Ziege took a left footed shot. Wow! What a block by Chiranjit Malakar. The Indian goalkeeper, Basanta Banerjee was totally defeated, but Chiranjit Malakar made a super dive to head it out for a corner kick. Brehme is taking the corner kick. Aogona received the ball and took the right footed shot to get the goal. No! No! Indian defenders are demanding for the 2nd Referee decision. They are saying that Aogona used his left hand to receive the ball. Luis Lopez, the referee asked for the 2nd Referee decision. Let us see the replay. Yeah! It’s a case of hand ball.

Michael Monroe:- This is not expected from a famous German striker like Aogona. Anyway, the German goal has been cancelled. The referee showed a Yellow Card to Aogona. So, Aogona misses next match as he was also shown a Yellow Card in their previous match against Japan. Again, the German Strikers are attacking, now from the right flank. Reuter, the German midfielder took a fantastic shot. Basanta Banerjee saved it well by diving at his left. Germany got their 15th corner kick in this match. Only 1 minutes of injury time left. Heinekel took the corner kick. Jignesh Jadav received the ball and started sprinting towards the German territory. Only 35 seconds left, will it be the moment for India? Jignesh Jadav gave a long diagonal pass to Baji Rao Achrekar. Baji Rao Achrekar back passed the ball to Debraj Venkateshan. Debraj Venkateshan took the long shot at the goal. My goodness! The ball hit the side post and went in. Goal!!! The German goalkeeper, Worm has no answer to it. The entire Rawalpindi Stadium erupts. All the Asian spectators are enjoying the moment.

Brady Ballack:- Look at the statistics, Michael. In the 1st Half of this match, Germany got 15 corner kicks. Germany took 22 shots at the goal. India got no corner kick. India took only 1 shot at the goal and India is leading the game by 1-0. It is like hitting the bull’s eye at the right time. The referee blew the whistle to declare the end of the 1st Half.

******************************************************

Rajanikanth Modi:- The way you boys were playing today, I never expected that you guys will score a goal against the Germans. Well done! My Boys! But, the match is not over yet. Germans can come back at anytime. Tighten your defense further.

Gurdeep Singh Saini:- In my opinion, we are playing too defensive football. That’s why; Germans are able to play such an attacking football.

Dilip Majumder:- Yes, Gurdeep is right. We are leading by 1 goal. Let us play some attacking football. Let us see, how good is their defense?

Sunil Chetri:- Ok! Play attacking football, but, don’t get carried away. German team is having 5 good strikers. They can score goals at any time of the match. Best of Luck!

******************************************************

Brady Ballack:- 73 minutes of the game is over. In the 1st half of the match, the German warriors were attacking the Indian fortress. Now, in the 2nd Half, the Indian warriors are counterattacking the German fortress. Gurdeep Singh Saini running in from the centre and gave the pass to Rajdeep Samanta. Rajdeep Samanta took the shot at the goal. Worm punched the ball in the air. Both Babu Menon and Ziege jumped up in the air to head the ball. Oh! That’s a collision. Both Babu Menon and Ziege are badly injured. Though, Ziege is looking fit after that anti-pain spray, but, Babu Menon is still lying on the ground. The referee requested Dr.Fuhrer Fahrenheit to take Babu Menon out of the ground on a stretcher.

*****************************************************
Sunil Chetri:- Will he be able to play the match?

Dr. Fuhrer Fahrenheit:- I don’t think so. 

Rajanikanth Modi:- Arjun, go in.

*****************************************************

Michael Monroe:- Babu Menon has been replaced by Arjun Thapa. 82 minutes of the game is over. The score is still 1-0 and in favour of India. Basler passes the ball to Reuter. Reuter entering inside the Indian territory through Central region! Peter Silva’s sliding tackle went in vain. Effenberg got the ball and steered it towards Kroos. Basanta Banerjee is charging in. Kroos just made a sliding on the ground to touch the ball at the right time. The ball went inside the goal with a very slow speed. Goal!!! Now, it’s time for the German spectators to cheer. That’s the equalizer for the German team at the 85th minute of the game. 

****************************************************

Rajanikanth Modi:- Eh! Poor Defense all the way. 

Sunil Chetri:- Just now, we got the call from Kashinath Kapoor. All the FIRs and cases have been withdrawn against our 7 players. So, can I make the call to those 7 players to come back in the squad again?

Rajanikanth Modi:- Yeah! Make the call. But, can we qualify in the next round?

***************************************************

Brady Ballack:- The game of 90 minutes is over. The score is 1-1. We are heading for Extra Time.

***************************************************

Location: Sangram Mukherjee’s house at Kolkata

Sangram Mukherjee:- What! That’s a great news! Oh! The news is in the TV Channels also. Thank you! Thank You, Sir! Ok! Ok! I will reach Bangkok day after tomorrow if India wins today. Bye! Ogo suncho! Kothay gele! All the FIRs and cases have been withdrawn against us. We will again play football for India.

Mrinmoyi Mukherjee (Wife of Sangram Mukherjee):- Lajja kore na! Mukh kaalo kore esecho! We, the Indian housewives always forgive our husbands. That’s why; marriage relationships last forever in India. Kolir Kesto!

Sangram Mukherjee (while hugging his wife):- Sorry! Sorry! To err is human. Please forgive me this time. Because of your love and prayers, my football career has not come to an end. I love you.
Mrinmoyi Mukherjee (with moistened eyes):- I love you too. Kintu India Semi Final e teh jaabe toh? Will you play in the Semi Final match? 

***************************************************

Michael Monroe:- 12 minutes of the 1st Half of the Extra Time is over. Still, the score is 1-1. In this 1st Half of Extra Time, the battle remained confined mainly in the midfield region. Heinekel got a loose ball and sprinting towards the goal. What a powerful shot! Basanta Banejee used his body to save that goal. But, Basanta Banerjee is badly injured and lying on the ground. Basanta Banerjee may not continue further. There is no substitute goalkeeper in the Indian Team. Iftikhar Hussain replaces Basanta Banerjee. Iftikhar Hussain, the defender decided to play as a goalkeeper. Hear the whistle. It is the end of the 1st Half of Extra Time. The score remains the same.

**************************************************

Mr. Sain:- Hello! Arindam! I am getting good appreciations about you from your ex-boss, Kashinath Kapoor. Well done! You deserve a promotion in my company. Accha! Let me give you another news. From now on, Prasanta Pakrasi, your colleague is not going to report about the FIFA World Cup 2034 matches because his pregnant wife is about to deliver a baby in this week. So, after coming back from Rawalpindi, you will take the promotion letter from me and then fly to Bangkok.

Arindam:- Thank you! Boss! You are now becoming a much better boss than my ex-boss. Ha ha ha. Anyway! The 2nd Half of the Extra Time has started. The Rawalpindi Stadium is so noisy that I can’t hear anything in this mobile handset. Talk to you later, Boss. Over and out!

***********************************************

Brady Ballack:- 111th minute of the match is over. Still, the score line is 1-1. Effenberg chipped the ball towards the left flank region. Babbalo received the ball and taking some time to pass through the Indian defenders. Chiranjit Malakar made a hard tackle. Germany got a free kick from a very dangerous area. Ziege is taking the free kick. That’s a fantastic free-kick by the left footed German footballer. The ball swung at the end, but, Iftikhar Hussain’s reflexes are too quick to understand that swing. Iftikhar Hussain, the substitute defender, who is acting as a goalkeeper denied the German team, a sure shot winning goal of the match. 

Michael Monroe:- Indians wasted no time at all. Straightaway, they are in the counterattack. Only 3 minutes left for the tie-breaker. Dilip Majumder! Oh! Worm saved a sure shot goal. It was a nice shot. Germany is going for a substitution of their goalkeeper. Worm is replaced by Kahl. Kahl is a specialist German goalkeeper for the tie-breakers.

Brady Ballack:- Yeah! That’s actually a very good move. As the match is heading towards tie-breaker, Germany has the edge due to the inclusion of Kahl. The linesman signalled 2 minutes of injury time.

Michael Monroe:- That’s a foul. Rajdeep Samanta is demanding for a 2nd Referee decision. Actually, the foul happened just near the German penalty box area. No! The replay says that the foul happened outside the German penalty box. 2nd Referee decision confirms that India will get a free kick, not the penalty. Germany is somewhat lucky in this case.

Brady Ballack:- Yeah! To some extent! Basler has been booked with Yellow Card. Rajdeep Samanta is going to take the free kick. Lovely free kick!  Kahl punched the ball. Peter Silva headed it towards the central area of the penalty box. Chiranjit Malakar! Oh! What a shot at the right time. The ball went in such a speed that Kahl failed to save it despite diving at the direction of the ball. Goal! Only 2 seconds left for the match. The spectators of Rawalpindi stadium have gone crazy. Fire crackers are all over. The referee blew the whistle. What a climax! What a match! Everyone is lifting up Chiranjit Malakar. Even Rajanikanth Modi and Sunil Chetri are dancing with joy with their team members. Breaking news! India has reached the Semi Final of FIFA World Cup 2034 after conquering the German fortress. That’s all for today! See you later. Goodbye.

***************************************************

Location: Royal Bengal News TV Channel Office at Kolkata

Mrs. Nandini Nandi:- Ki byapar! You are coming out of boss’s room with such a big smile. What’s in your hand?

Arindam:- This is my promotion letter. 

Mrs. Nandini Nandi:- Now, you start thinking about your marriage. By the way, my sixth sense is saying that you have scored a goal in Rawalpindi. Is Mumtaz too good?

Arindam (stared at Nandini with a surprised face for a few seconds):- How do you know about Mumtaz?

Mrs. Nandini Nandi:- After all, you are a part of our organization and no one knows you better than me. We kept constant touch with Rahim Raza.

Arindam:- Arrey! Boss never told me about this thing. 

Mrs. Nandini Nandi:- Next weekend, my hubby will go for a business trip. Earlier he had the office affair with his lady boss. Now, he is interested in the newly recruited female Management Trainee of his organization. For the match of next weekend, my hubby has been red carded and you are requested to take the penalty shot. I will be there as a goalkeeper. Score a goal in the next weekend.

Arindam:- When you were my girlfriend, I used to score goals by dribbling through the defense line. Those goals had some charm in it. But, penalty shoot out is somewhat less interesting. Anyway, I may or may not take the penalty shot in the next weekend. I am going to Bangkok tomorrow. Bye! Bye! Mrs. Nandi.

Mrs. Nandini Nandi:- Idiot kothakaar! Have a safe journey! Bye!

*****************************************************

Rajanikanth Modi:- You all have made our nation proud. But, our mission has not ended here. There’s a good news that all our 7 suspended players will join our squad again in Bangkok. But, this time, you guys need to control yourselves and your teammates, because Bangkok is full of pimps and prostitutes. Self-discipline is the keyword to success for any player in any game. We will clash against Argentina in the Semi Final match of FIFA World Cup 2034 on 18th July 2034 (Tuesday) at King Naresuan Football Stadium of Bangkok. We will take the flight of Thai Airlines tomorrow from New Delhi Airport to reach Bangkok. This time, all the players can bring in their spouse or girlfriend to Bangkok. 

Sunil Chetri:- Personally, I welcome this decision, Sir. We will surely book the flight tickets for the players’ respective spouse or girlfriend.

INDIAN FOOTBALL (EPISODE-07) !!!



Indian Football

Episode – 07

Navin Tiwary (Anchor of Aaj Tak News Channel):-We are showing you the video footage which has been broadcasted exclusively by the Pakistan Awam News Channel just a few hours ago. Look at this video footage. Sangram Mukherjee and Ranjit Singh Rathore were sleeping with a hotel lady attendant in Room No. 503 of Pearl Continental Hotel at Rawalpindi. In Room No. 504 of that same hotel, Tomba Llong, Sunil Roy and Jayanta Dasgupta were sleeping with another hotel lady attendant. In Room No. 505, Harilal Tamang and Suresh Murmu were sleeping with another hotel lady attendant. The question is that why a hotel room of such a reputation will have hidden cameras installed inside the hotel rooms. Sakina, Rubina and Tuhina, the three hotel lady attendants of Pearl Continental Hotel have filed FIRs and cases of gangrapes by stating that those players called for room services and then gangraped them. We will now show you what Lionel Messi has said in a Press Conference regarding this issue.

Lionel Messi (In a Press Conference):- Those seven Indian footballers will not be allowed to play any football match of any format until the legal proceedings against them gets completed through Rawalpindi High Court. If the complainants withdraw their FIRs as well as cases against those Indian footballers, then again, those players can play football match of any format.

Sailen Manna (President of Mohun Bagan Club):- Baash diley sab barota bajiye. Rawalpindi teh giye sab pindi chotke diley. It’s a Black Day for Indian Football.

Navin Tiwary (Anchor of Aaj Tak News Channel):- Yeah! It’s really indeed.

Tapas Roychowdhury (President of East Bengal Club):- Something is really fishy out here. In the video footages, all our footballers were in sleeping mode. Hidden camera teh ki sudhu naak deke ghumonor drisyoguli ee  uthlo?

*********************************************

Rajanikanth Modi:- Actually, it’s my fault. I should not have given the permission to our boys to go and have some party in the pub of Pearl Continental Hotel. Our boys just slipped. They lack self-discipline and self-control. That’s the problem.

Sunil Chetri:- Those seven players have been bailed out. They are now boarding the plane at Rawalpindi Airport to go back to their respective home.

*********************************************
Kashinath Kapoor (Director of RAW):- Hello! Yes! Kashinath Kapoor speaking! But, who are you?

*********************************************
Mr. Sain (Owner of Royal Bengal News TV Channel):- Pack up your bags. You have to go to Rawalpindi by flight. There is a flight of Emirates Airlines at 2 PM today from Kolkata which goes to Dubai via Rawalpindi. Here’s your flight ticket. Rahim Raza, your ex-colleague will receive you at the airport as per the instructions from your ex-boss, Kashinath Kapoor. Bon Voyage!

Arindam:- Ok! Not an issue.

*********************************************

Location: Benajir Bhutto International Airport of Rawalpindi

Rahim Raza (A RAW agent currently posted at Urumqi City of Xinjiang Nation):- Salaam Alekum, Arindam Bhaya.

Arindam:- Jai Shree Ram. Bhabhi jaan kaisi hain? Aur woh choti si Shagun?

Rahim Raza:- Baash! Allah ke meherbani hain. Sab kuch thik thak hain. In the newly formed nation, Xinjiang, we are very happy and it is really a very peaceful nation.

Arindam:- Huns used to live in Xinjiang province. Later on, they migrated to Thar Desert to become the Rajputs. By the way, why are you here?

Rahim Raza:- Will tell you later. Just let us board in this taxi to reach the Shalimar Hotel of Rawalpindi.

**************************************************
Rajanikanth Modi:- Tomorrow, our boys are going to play against Germany. Seven good players are not in the squad. So, there is no question of expecting anything special from the other players. Gurdeep, you are the captain of tomorrow’s match. At least, don’t allow the German team to score more than 5 goals against you.

Gurdeep Singh Saini:- Our defense line-up is not so bad, Sir.

Rajanikanth Modi:- Anyway, this is our main squad for tomorrow’s clash against Germany.

Indian Squad for the match against Germany
1.       Basanta Banerjee (Goalkeeper)
2.       Debraj Venkateshan (Defender)
3.       Peter Silva (Defender)
4.       Muktar Naqvi (Defender)
5.       Chiranjit Malakar (Defender)
6.       Babu Menon (Midfielder)
7.       Jignesh Yadav (Midfielder)
8.       Baji Rao Achrekar (Midfielder) (Vice Captain)
9.       Gurdeep Singh Saini (Midfielder) (Captain)
10.   Dilip Majumder (Striker)
11.   Rajdeep Samanta (Striker)

*********************************************
Location: Room No. 212 of Hotel Shalimar, Rawalpindi

Rahim Raza:- Almost all the high profile prostitutes of Rawalpindi work as informers cum call girls under Mumtaz Mehrunissa, a mafia businesswoman cum active member of Musallam-e-Aatank terrorist group. This Mumtaz Mehrunissa is the daughter of Shazia Sahari, a famous and controversial model of Pakistan. Mumtaz Mehrunissa is also one of the keeps of Sikandar Shah, the right hand of Choseha Bin Paden, the leader of Musallam-e-Aatank. Look at the video footages on my laptop that I got from the Hotel Manager of Pearl Continental Hotel. On that night, inside the pub of the Pearl Continental hotel, these 7 Indian Players were enjoying their drinks and the pole dancers. Suddenly, Sakina, Rubina and Tuhina come into the scene to start flirting with these players. Observe one thing; these three girls were wearing the outfit which is quite similar to the dress of any Hotel Lady attendant of Pearl Continental Hotel.

Arindam:- Arrey! All our seven footballers started dozing.

Rahim Raza:- Yes! You are right. The pub attendant, Firoz also works under Sikandar Shah. Firoz mixed Seconal Powders (which are prepared from Secobarbital Sodium) in their drinks. Later on, all those players were shifted to their respective rooms and some photography and video session took place. Tundra Tahir Tandon, the Hotel Manager of Pearl Continental was also forced to install hidden cameras in the rooms where Indian players will be staying.

Arindam:- So, what’s your plan now?

Rahim Raza:- Sakina, Rubina and Tuhina are not the Hotel Lady Attendants of Pearl Continental Hotel. But, we cannot prove that; as Tundra Tahir Tandon will not help us due to the fear factor of Sikandar Shah. Sunil Chetri called up Kashinath Kapoor to investigate on this case. I investigated the case and got all these information. Tundra Tahir Tandon has also given me some video footages where Mumtaz Mehrunissa at her teenage days had sexual intercourses with so many politicians and high profile businessmen of Pakistan in Room No. 786 of the Pearl Continental Hotel. The Room No. 786 is still kept reserved for high profile customers of Pearl Continental Hotel. But, no one knows about the hidden cameras in that room, except the Hotel Manager. Mumtaz Mehrunissa have recently invested money on a new Pakistani film, ‘Byapari Ladki’. The film will get released on 14th July 2034 (Friday). On the night of 12th July 2034 (Wednesday), that is tonight, Mumtaz has thrown a party at her residence regarding that film. Any reporter of any TV News Channel has the free pass to enter into that party. You just need to tell her somehow that we have her video footages. If her girls do not withdraw the cases against 7 Indian footballers, then, the video footages will get published in Youtube website. Today in the evening, we will message these video footages to those high profile politicians and businessmen including Sikandar Shah.

******************************************************
Location: Residence of Mumtaz Mehrunissa at Rawalpindi

Arindam:- I need to have some discussions with you regarding some of your old MMS clips.

Mumtaz Mehrunissa:- Thanks for coming to my party. I am getting lots of phone calls from some high profile persons. Are you still in RAW?

Arindam:- No, at present, in a TV News Channel.

Mumtaz Mehrunissa:- Ok! Private talks should be made in private only. In this party, so many people are watching me. I have messaged my personal assistant on her Blackberry Mobile handset. Her name is Mahek. She is standing outside the main gate of this residence with a BMW. She will take you to my farmhouse which is at the outskirts of Rawalpindi.

*****************************************************
Sunil Chetri:- Sir, just now, Kashinath Kapoor called me up. Those girls are ready to withdraw FIRs and cases against our 7 players if we give them Rs. 7 lakhs INR, i.e. Rs. 1 lakh for each player.

Rajanikanth Modi:- Give them what they want. As an Indian, I don’t want to see the end of football career of our Indian footballers due to some bloody Pakistani call girls.

*****************************************************

Rahim Raza:- Hello! We have got the green signal from the Indian Football Team. How much Mumtaz is willing to pay?

Arindam:- 10 lakhs. All the cases will be withdrawn too.

Rahim Raza:- So, in this case, RAW will have an extra income of Rs. 7 lakhs plus Rs. 10 lakhs. i.e. Rs. 17 lakhs. I and my team members are tracking you. We are just at a distance of 50 metres from Mumtaz’s farmhouse. If you see any danger, just press the button of your wrist watch. We will move in immediately. Don’t use the revolver that I gave you. Don’t forget that you got suspended in RAW for 2 times for firing at culprits without even waiting for orders from the higher authority of RAW.

Arindam:- Ok! Ok! Over and out now!

Mumtaz Mehrunissa:- We believe in true business. We will withdraw cases and give you money. But, after that also, if those MMS clips get leaked further, then we may parcel you to heaven.

Arindam:- We don’t betray with anyone because we are RAW people. A RAW person always remains as a RAW person. Anyway, time for me to go now. Bye! Bye!

Mumtaz Mehrunissa (while holding a pistol in her hand):- Itni jaldi bhi kya hain janaab. Raat bhi haseen hain aur haseena  ka husn bhi jawaan hain.

Arindam (while holding a pistol in his hand):- I also have one.

Mumtaz Mehrunissa:- This is my den. Everyone goes out from here after fulfilling my thirst and hunger. I don’t invite ordinary persons in my den. It’s a request.

Arindam:- Ok! Aap ki ish guzaarish ko kadar karte huye aapki khwaish poori kar dete hain, taa ki ish haseen raat aur bhi rangeen ho jaye.

Mumtaz Mehrunissa:- Hai! Main marjaawa. Baat karte ho tum, Mohabbat ki Messiah jaise. Marhaba! Marhaba!